We have historically seen really similar people to do badly in relationships, and completely opposite individuals totally rock it. At the same time, the exact opposite isn’t too rare either. The point being that no matter what your similarities or differences it only has so much to do with whether you guys will do good together or not.
Commonalities can be cherished and differences celebrated. But that’s not what makes a perfect relationship. The single most important balance that you need is that between your ego and your self respect.
There are egoistic people. Then there are people who confuse their inflated egos to be their self respect which needs to be protected at all costs. Think about a caterpillar in a cocoon with all hope gone to evolve into the butterfly. The cocoon is the ego which we desperately cling on to, giving up all chances of personal growth and development.
Karan says ego is the most unproductive emotion he has ever come across. It ruins not only committed relationships, but friendships too. A teensy bit more ego, and the whole dish is spoiled. And it’s life that we are talking about here.
The prime confusion: Ego vs Self-respect
People keep confusing ego with self-respect. More often than not, it is our egos standing in the way of our relationships, as we don’t allow our entire selves to fall for the other person. We hold back. Ego is an extremely inward emotion. It withdraws you from the world. It creates a self-image which when confronted by reality, breaks as easily as thin ice. Self respect does not make you hold anything back. A person with self respect has a distinct idea about their identity, who and what they are, and where they stand. They never seek validation from others, as they are filled with self love.
Ego and Relationships: Failing is normal, blaming isn’t.
Egotistic people tend to pass on blame on others. More so in relationships. While sharing our imperfect lives, we all tend to stumble. The wise can rise beyond the imperfections and make a world out of their relationships. What ego does is magnify your imperfections, coupled with the inability to accept them. So what do you do? You pass the pillow while the music is still on.
The anxious egoistic person!
Ego’s best friend is anxiety. Making you think of things which aren’t there, problems which are non-existent till the time you thought of them. Anxiety makes us unnecessarily jealous and insecure in relationships. Ego and anxiety go hand in hand. People with self respect try to investigate things out before coming to conclusions, giving the person beside them to speak out their minds. ‘My perspective isn’t the only one and I am completely imperfect.’ Simple thoughts and simple lives, respecting and self-loving people things along these lines.
Any relationship is a negotiation. A life to be built out of two intersecting roads, some promises, some sacrifices and some compromises. Not always in life can you have the last word even when you know you are right. Egotistic people can’t seem to accept this. Self-loving people swim past these issues very smoothly because for them being along the right course is more important than being proven right.
Probably the best difference between these two not-so-confusing personalities is repressed anger. Hidden anger kills your relationships more than anything. If you have anything to say, speak up. Buck up! You are not in a relationship with Hitler. No one is going to gas you if you speak for yourself. This speaking requires courage. And that comes from self-respect. Now got the difference?