For the first few months we love their images that we create for ourselves. In a way, for the first few months we are in love with a part of our minds. The part which gets attracted to them, burning with emotions, memories that we create every day, which are again lost in their multitude.
Six months down the line, or seven, or twelve, the glaze starts fading and slowly you realize reality always falls short of imagination. The embellishments make way for the actual person you are sharing your life with. It is only then that the real problems start.
Accepting our own selves and accepting our partners the way they are, go hand in hand. ‘If I love you, it’s because you’re loveable. I’m the one that loves, but you’re also mixed up in this, because there’s something in you that makes me love you. It’s reciprocal because there’s a to and fro: the love I have for you is the return effect of the cause of love that you are for me.’ Jacques Lacan, the famous psychoanalyst, mentioned this very simple yet forgetful truth about love.
To love is to inherently accept and retain it. Too many times we get bogged down by negativity, ignoring the heart which always gets attracted to the good in people. We are all flawed human beings and to love our own selves is the first prerequisite to loving others. More often than not, we are disillusioned with our flaws and seek validation of our deeds, our feelings and our choices from others.
When others fail to give cognizance, we lose faith in ourselves. We can trust others’ opinions of us, but not build our lives around them. You are your best judge because you are the only person on this planet you can’t lie to.
Accepting a person as they are requires courage. Going with conviction along the road of love even after the initial glaze is over needs two walking hands and faith in what attracted me towards this person in the first place! The heart never lies.
From acceptance to faith to hope to love to stars. And then we shall find magic.
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” ~ Roald Dahl
Here is Karan Johar talking about what he went through before he realised he doesn’t have to succumb to what the society wants, for people to accept to him.