So Neha’s partner took a flight to UK last week; he would be back next year during the Ganesha festival. A popular YouTube channel meanwhile came out with a funny take on same-city couples aptly named ‘close distance relationships’. This made us think about LDRs (Long Distance Relationships, duh!) and how we can create better stepping stones to this dark, scary, and yet hopeful venture. We have 7 essential tips documented to help you take a smart decision of whether an LDR works for you.
Are both of you super busy?
Ask yourself this question as the first step to an LDR. In case, both of your work-life balance is tilted towards work, your relationship will walk out of the door in the first three months of you moving out.
An LDR requires a lot of dedication, spurt of imagination, creativity, and more important, a dedicated me-time allocated for both the partners. And if you have a panic stricken boss, or a strict deadline, you are doomed.
Are both of you sexually attracted to each other?
This could tilt either ways. The yearning for a physical connection can make the heart grow fonder. However, too long, and you’ll end up stretching the desire to desperation, and eventually to frustration.
The lack of a physical connection in long distance relationships is often the breeding ground for cheating, and slow brewing breakups, if you aren’t completely content in other departments.
Is there enough transparency between both of you?
Transparency make that the word of the day, the most important of them all.
You might not be doing anything that counts as infidelity, but the fact that you hide details, can cause some major trust issues, especially when you are in a long distance relationship. No relation, romantic or not, survives without trust.
So, if you are going in for an LDR, make sure you have your trust sorted. Doubt takes more lives than the devil can.
Can you deal with not talking all day?
So most of your friends would vote for keeping up the communication decibel like you two are still in the same bus; but it doesn’t take too long to become too much.
The sweet spot is right where there is just enough communication that is not overpowering other priorities in either of your lives.
Are you willing to put in the effort?
Guess what, it often happens that we need to find new and creative ways of communicating with each other while in an LDR, or the mundane and drab nature of life gets over us, and overpowering it can often become a huge task.
And finding news ways of communicating do take a lot of effort. Write letters, send mix-tapes maybe, buy a train ticket (or a flight ticket) and go visit in person! and don’t just rely on Skype and Facetime. Technology is only screen deep.
All of these things will come at a cost more than the money going out of your pocket. They will need consistent effort. Are you willing to put it in?
Deny but in person, cool?
Save your big fights and disagreements for the next time you meet. Are you okay with that? In case you feel “Heck no”, try avoiding an LDR. It probably isn’t your cup of tea.
LDRs require significant patience both the ends, and it is exactly for this reason that an LDR can’t afford a huge fight over Whatsapp. Save it for when you meet. In case, you are not ready for that, walk away please.
And, yes, no stonewalling please!
Invest in other important relationships
Last but definitely not the least; do not focus solely on one relationship – your LDR. Invest in other relations, spend quality time with other members sharing the same roof or sky with you, go meet your friends and continue creating a strong support system for you.
Make sure that the same is happening at the other end too, that your partner is devoting significant time in pursuing other interests and communicating with other family members too.
Signing off, one last piece of advice – have an end move mapped inside your head. Are you two ready to move in by a certain date? Is it marriage that you’re gunning for? Whatever be your end-game, make sure you inch closer to that with each passing day.
There are lots of complications that may otherwise crop up in an LDR, and it’s really easy to give up. Here’s our Calling Karan episode where we have Leena Tripathi for example sharing her pains with KJo around LDR.